The Body Language Expert & Motivational Speaker

If you’re a manager or a team leader or just a co-worker who needs to get items from other people,  visit peoples’  work spaces,   just to make a connection.

Take note of how people respond when you step into their workspaces. Do they smile, make eye contact and turn towards you or keep their hands on the computer keyboard, without turning towards you? Do they seem to cringe and stiffen their posture when you enter?

Busy body language is fine to get once in awhile from your employees, but if it is habitual take note: they are sending you a message. You may be interrupting them when they are in flow, you may be checking up on them too much, or only visiting them when you need something or have bad news. Employees and coworkers will get tense when they feel they can’t predict your behavior, or if they associate your “visits” with negatives.

Ask yourself if your only face-to-face time is when you’re giving negative information or instruction,and if so,  it might be time to try something different.

Visit with good news or bring in bagels once a week, hang out in the conference room and talk about nothing in particular. If you’re managing people in the file or only see people in meeting make it point on your first call to them or first meeting to take extra time for visiting and small talk before you go into the typical work,
“…This is what I need from you.” mode. If you don’t know what small talk is appropriate ask for positive such as, “What’s the best thing you did over the weekend?”, or “What’s your favorite thing on TV lately?”

Small talk is a totally different speed of communication and creates different vocal pacing, facial expressions and body movements, and that easy pacing helps build relationships.”

I know that some people hate anyone coming into speak to them for any reason and think visiting is a waste of time. Distinguish between those who do and those who do not need “relationship credits” to do their best work.

Yesterday a producer from the Ellen’s Talk show called me about possibility of being a guest on the show. What fun that would be! I would love to play with Ellen on the air!

Ellen did a monologue yesterday about body language were she talked about some fun things she had seen on the Discovery Channel. One of the things she talked about was the eyebrow flash. We briefly flash our eyebrows upward when we come towards someone, usually at about 7 to fourteen feet, to show we are friendly and not going to attack. If someone does an eyebrow flash to us as we are walking down the sidewalk towards us it usually means they aren’t going to bring out their Uzi when we get closer? In slightly raising your eyebrows as you glance at someone you are signaling that you are safe and approachable. So it is a nice flirting cue. It says, I see you, if you come over here I will talk to you and probably won’t bite.

Ellen also talked about playing with your hair. That can be a flirting cue for a women to use to attract a man. The secret it is to be light and playful, flipping your hair back once, maybe twice while showing the palm of your hand. Men are hunters and our eyes are designed to go towards movement so the hair flipping draws their eyes towards you. If your hair is shiny and bouncy, the movement of the hair can also show that your hair is health. Healthy hair is primal mating signal. It shows that you have good hair genes and are likely to create healthy babies with great hair. Finally showing the palm of the hand signals that you are vulnerable, that is not holding a weapon, and open and to approach. Make sure you do not twist and tug at your hair or touch it repeatedly which can signal fear or nervousness and can simply make you look desperate.

Standing with your legs apart is a good cue for guys as a broad stance of 10 t 12 inches makes your silhouette look larger and more powerful. Making you look like you could protect the women and have good strong genes for baby making. It is not the best way for a woman who wants to be approached to stand as it creates a male silhouette. I hate that, because standing with your legs closer together in say the 4 to 6 inches apart that is a stereotypical female stance does not make you feel or look powerful. Unfortunately, power is not always appealing to a guy. Hummm, I know this but I just keep giving off the power cues lately.