The Body Language Expert & Motivational Speaker

The other day I talked about the magic of online dating. But the space and anonymity of online dating can be dangerous. It may give license to fib or falsify every thing from their online photo to their profile and current marriage status. It may also free them to be less inhibited and do other things that you normally would not do with the sections and politeness required in face to face interactions. Email and texting are fast and people who use those medians a lot or have been using it to date for any extensive time are use to the speed and the immediate gratification, a friend in my discussion group has been online dating for seven years. He is a tall attractive intelligent guy who owns his own business. I am sure women see him a great catch.  We have watched him go through many two and three week relationships. He calls them his fly high crash and burn relationships. He really does think that the next one will work, but he says matter of factly that there are so many women out there that it is a numbers game you just have to get through them.  

When you are use to that world you may be pushy or overly forward. The reporter who interviewed me said she was dating someone online who was a relationship expert. He started to send her lists of very personal questions. She said she felt interviewed and told him that these are things that would be revolved overtimes naturally and romantically as the relationship progressed. He never emailed her again. And He was a relationship expert. She said that many people online have their list and keep dating thinking they can find that magic person that fits their list. I agreed that there is a problem with list making. I threw away my rather long list a long time ago and started working on me. Perhaps list makers think the problems in their past relationships were the other person, they just did have the perfect person and they never stop to consider they may need to improve the person that was in all the failed relationships, themselves.

They my be  pushy or overly forward in their communication as the relationship moves forward and those late online chats can be intoxicating if you think you have met your soul mate. And yes people are having entire relationships on the intenet or texting. They are even breaking up via email! So be careful out there.

This week I was interviewed as a body language expert about the effect of the lack of nonverbal communication on online dating relationships. The interviewer was excited that I had dated online so I could tell her my first hand experience as well as my professional opinion…

One of the best things is also one of the worst things about the internet. That is the barrier it creates between the two people as they begin the flirting and dating process. The barrier creates both anonymity and physical space between them that is not in any way a natural way to meet and interact with a potential partner.

It allows the online daters to do and say things they would not normally do face to face. Sometimes that can be a great thing. Someone who is normally rather shy can be more courageous and reveal themselves more easily and actually “approach” someone they would not normally feel comfortable asking out or dating. Two people can email each other sweet self disclosing emails saying things that they wouldn’t feel comfortable saying face to face, but still be communicating from their hearts. The space allows hearts to flutter open and tenderness to come out. That can be magical. You may be able to find a love you have waited for. For centuries lovers wrote letters to one another that created some of most beautiful poetry. Online dating can be filled with poetry.

Last night a group of us went to Stone Mountain for the Laser show and Fireworks. I am a sucker for Marching Bands, Fountains and Fireworks, so I was especially excited to sit on the big green lawn in front of the mountain and watch the people and the fountain on the lake. The weather was perfect the fried chicken was tasty and the people were, as always fascinating. In my master’s program in nonverbal communication I studied crowd theory, something I have blogged about in the past. Crowd theory says that when a group is crowded together they can be moved to action more quickly and be persuaded more easily. Politicians use it all the time. Think of the crowds swarming around Obama these days. At Stone Mountain it played out wonderfully. Kids got up and danced the Macarena. Everyone cheered to the patriotic music and laughed at the cow cartoons. It felt wonderful to be swept up in the energy and happiness of the crowd. That is something that is hard to do when you are sitting on your sofa watching Netflix. So if you get out in a crowd this Fourth of July weekend notice how you feel. See if you’re swept up in the zeal. Happy red white and blue day!

Last night I had a friend over for dinner. I just love that feeling of someone I care about coming to my door. The problem is my dog loves it to. Bo, the wonder dog is a jumper up on you dog. He sits when I come through the door and cuddle him and when clients come through the front door but when friends come in the kitchen door he is all over them.  I hired a clicker trainer to work with us years ago, but he just loves people. So when my friend came to the door I told Bo to sit and then my friend smiled at me crouched down and began to pet Bo. Great move. Bo wagged his tale and didn’t jump. I know your supposed to stand and stay Alpha when you greet a dog, but it worked.

Tonight another friend came in and I told Bo to sit and stay and Bo stayed & got some good cuddles. I think he is learning. So what is the nonverbal lesson of this blog entry? I think we all need to be cuddled when we come through the kitchen door.  

I was out with my friends Ellen and Judith the other night to celebrate Judith’s birthday, and the waitress brought out a wonderful chocolate lava cake with a candle on it for Judith.  My friends teased me that I must have asked the waitress to bring the cake. I said that I hadn’t and pressed my lips together, and they said, “Oh my gosh you’re lying!” But was I? In my deception detection workshop last night I discussed that pressing your lips together signals that you may be suppressing a thought or an emotion. It could be that you are suppressing a lie. So look at this cue and other cues to tell when someone is lying.

Last week Esquire magazine interviewed me on sneezing. Yes, I am a nationally known expert on sneezing. Funny isn’t it, but sneezing is a body language behavior that reflects your DISC personality style. So what does sneezing say about you? Take a look at the articles I was quoted in and I created as the national spokesperson for Benadryl.

http://pattiwood.net/uploads/final%20sneeze%20article.pdf

http://pattiwood.net/uploads/sneezearticle.pdf

Here is a Sun Star Essay about smiling that I am quoted in. Take a look…

ONE time, I called up a city government office and someone answered, “Halo” like she had a hot potato in her tongue. I gave the name of the person I wanted to talk to and I said, “Please.” There was no word from the other end; I wondered if I was cut off. Should I put down the phone or wait, or did I get a wrong number? A long while after, the person I asked to talk to came on the phone.

I guess no one smiled on the other end of that line.

Article Continued…

Take a look at this article I am quoted in by Joan Morris of Contra Costa Times.
The handshake is dead — line up the alternatives
“Please bow your heads in recognition of the passing of the ancient and venerable handshake.”

Article Continued…

Each day I look at the little black and tan furry face of my dog Bo as I say, “Walk outside?” and watch him grin. Yes, lips pulled back, squinty eyed, he smiles. Then his whole body wiggles and fills with glee as he leaps and dances around me. Once the door opens he walks beside me, nose sniffing and tail wagging enjoying each grassy smell, happy for each fellow dog, or child who wants to pet him.  He is in the moment, as if this walk where the first walk, the only walk, the best walk ever, not the walk we take each day, not the walk we have taken for years.  Being with him, watching his body language, I  feel what he is feeling. We were connected in joy.

Article Continued…

Check out this article I interviewed for in SheKnows.com: http://www.sheknows.com/articles/health-and-wellness/dental/

Interesting article on personality type for the perfect mate. 

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200603/online-love/4