The Body Language Expert & Motivational Speaker

Last night a group of us went to Stone Mountain for the Laser show and Fireworks. I am a sucker for Marching Bands, Fountains and Fireworks, so I was especially excited to sit on the big green lawn in front of the mountain and watch the people and the fountain on the lake. The weather was perfect the fried chicken was tasty and the people were, as always fascinating. In my master’s program in nonverbal communication I studied crowd theory, something I have blogged about in the past. Crowd theory says that when a group is crowded together they can be moved to action more quickly and be persuaded more easily. Politicians use it all the time. Think of the crowds swarming around Obama these days. At Stone Mountain it played out wonderfully. Kids got up and danced the Macarena. Everyone cheered to the patriotic music and laughed at the cow cartoons. It felt wonderful to be swept up in the energy and happiness of the crowd. That is something that is hard to do when you are sitting on your sofa watching Netflix. So if you get out in a crowd this Fourth of July weekend notice how you feel. See if you’re swept up in the zeal. Happy red white and blue day!

Last night I had a friend over for dinner. I just love that feeling of someone I care about coming to my door. The problem is my dog loves it to. Bo, the wonder dog is a jumper up on you dog. He sits when I come through the door and cuddle him and when clients come through the front door but when friends come in the kitchen door he is all over them.  I hired a clicker trainer to work with us years ago, but he just loves people. So when my friend came to the door I told Bo to sit and then my friend smiled at me crouched down and began to pet Bo. Great move. Bo wagged his tale and didn’t jump. I know your supposed to stand and stay Alpha when you greet a dog, but it worked.

Tonight another friend came in and I told Bo to sit and stay and Bo stayed & got some good cuddles. I think he is learning. So what is the nonverbal lesson of this blog entry? I think we all need to be cuddled when we come through the kitchen door.  

Last night I was giving a workshop on effective body language techniques to detect deception. One of the participants in the body language workshop asked me how you can tell when it is time to talk in a conversation. That may seem like an odd question. But I believe many people have a hard time reading nonverbal cues for turn-taking because they spend so much time on e-mail and the phone, that they haven’t had the practice and experience in picking up the language of the body. Just like any other language, it takes experience.

For example, as a person completes what they are saying, they may drop their arms and lean back, close their mouth and make eye contact as a way to seek feedback on what they just said and in effect allow someone else a turn to speak. A person wanting to speak next may raise an arm or a finger as if to grasp the turn from the converser, or step or lean forward or open their mouth and/or puff up their chest with air in preparation to speak.

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I was out with my friends Ellen and Judith the other night to celebrate Judith’s birthday, and the waitress brought out a wonderful chocolate lava cake with a candle on it for Judith.  My friends teased me that I must have asked the waitress to bring the cake. I said that I hadn’t and pressed my lips together, and they said, “Oh my gosh you’re lying!” But was I? In my deception detection workshop last night I discussed that pressing your lips together signals that you may be suppressing a thought or an emotion. It could be that you are suppressing a lie. So look at this cue and other cues to tell when someone is lying.

Last week Esquire magazine interviewed me on sneezing. Yes, I am a nationally known expert on sneezing. Funny isn’t it, but sneezing is a body language behavior that reflects your DISC personality style. So what does sneezing say about you? Take a look at the articles I was quoted in and I created as the national spokesperson for Benadryl.

http://pattiwood.net/uploads/final%20sneeze%20article.pdf

http://pattiwood.net/uploads/sneezearticle.pdf

Here is a Sun Star Essay about smiling that I am quoted in. Take a look…

ONE time, I called up a city government office and someone answered, “Halo” like she had a hot potato in her tongue. I gave the name of the person I wanted to talk to and I said, “Please.” There was no word from the other end; I wondered if I was cut off. Should I put down the phone or wait, or did I get a wrong number? A long while after, the person I asked to talk to came on the phone.

I guess no one smiled on the other end of that line.

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I remember as a teenager playing my guitar and writing a song with a lyric that went, “I caught one sided love, now what can I do? I’m head to my shoes, filled with the Sunny Day Blues.”

What does singing the blues have to do with body language? You may ask. Well when we have the blues we show the world our sadness through our body language. Researchers Horwitz and

Wakefield (Greater Good Magazine Winter 2007-2008) say that, “…unhappiness serves and evolutionary purpose. When we slump our shoulders, look down and frown or cry it keeps our enemies from feeling aggressive towards us and shows others that we need help. I remember driving home when my best friend was dying. I stopped at a gas station. The gas stations attendant said, “You look like you lost your best friend.” I looked at him with pent back tears in my eyes and as they gushed out I said with a sob, “I am loosing him” and he put his hand on my shoulder while I cried.

When I was 29, I grieved the loss of several loved ones including my soul-connected best friend. That dark, blue time made me realize a lot of things about my self. I learned my strengths and weaknesses and about the value of those incredible people. It made it clear to me that true friendship is a great treasure. The friendships I have made since have been enriched by my experience of loss. We spend so much time laughing and sharing good times, but each friend feels safe to be sad and unhappy with me and I am safe being sad or unhappy with them. Real sorrow is not a weakness; it is nothing to hide away from your true friends and loved ones. In fact, sharing it can draw you closer. As your vulnerabilities show others to share theirs. Surpressing your sadness can not only keep you from learning from your experience and growing, but prevent anyone from helping you and drawing closer to you. And that is a truly great loss.

Take a look at this article I am quoted in by Joan Morris of Contra Costa Times.
The handshake is dead — line up the alternatives
“Please bow your heads in recognition of the passing of the ancient and venerable handshake.”

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Each day I look at the little black and tan furry face of my dog Bo as I say, “Walk outside?” and watch him grin. Yes, lips pulled back, squinty eyed, he smiles. Then his whole body wiggles and fills with glee as he leaps and dances around me. Once the door opens he walks beside me, nose sniffing and tail wagging enjoying each grassy smell, happy for each fellow dog, or child who wants to pet him.  He is in the moment, as if this walk where the first walk, the only walk, the best walk ever, not the walk we take each day, not the walk we have taken for years.  Being with him, watching his body language, I  feel what he is feeling. We were connected in joy.

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On his way to the first televised presidential debates, Richard Nixon bumped his knee severely while getting out of his car. Refusing stage make-up for his appearance and sweating profusely, he stood behind his podium favoring his injured leg, his body leaning to one side, making him appear crooked. These factors, in conjunction with his pain-filled face and his hands hidden behind the podium, made him appear dishonest to his television audience. According to the poll of the radio audience, who only heard him speak, Nixon won the debate by a landslide. In the poll of television viewers, Nixon lost by a landslide. John Kennedy won the presidency. If Nixon had known the significance of body language, he might have paid closer attention to the image he was projecting.

What makes body language so significant? What makes those thousands of cues that you give out every minute, so important? Well, while you are rapidly giving out these cues, your audience is subconsciously processing them. In other words, they just look at you and go with their gut. However well supported and prepared your speech content is, it is your nonverbal delivery that establishes your credibility for an audience.

And, most importantly, however you hold yourself, however you move through space, and however you gesture, your body sends messages back to your brain. So, if you are standing with your shoulders drooping and head bowed, the little pharmacy in your brain creates, and sends, negative chemicals into your bloodstream in less than a fortieth of a second - to make you feel the way you look.

The great news is, if you know what creates powerful body language messages, and you integrate that with an awareness of your own body language, you can feel as powerful as you wish to be.

What makes a speaker positively powerful? Attributes like full control of the space, relaxed body language, a posture that is open, and a strong, authentic presence. To begin feeling that power yourself, imagine a lion in the jungle. She establishes her space and territory; she’s queen of the jungle. She’s relaxed; she moves gracefully. If she met a mouse on her path, it’s the mouse who would be tense. Her posture is open; she stretches out her limbs. She’d never have to battle for an armrest on an airplane. She’s -authentic; she carries her confidence and stability with her. She’s herself. She’s not a zebra, though she may study zebras to be a better hunter.

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Look at his face when he gets emotional and you will notice that his lips press together, a signal that typically shows that someone is trying to suppress emotion. It would make sense that a former prisoner of war would have learned to do this.  But you can tell he has strong emotions and tries to suppress enormous anger because his cheeks with often fill up with that anger like a puffer fish and blow out. Look for that exasperation signal in people when they are under stress. It let’s you know who is mad and who may explode at any moment.